i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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