I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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