One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
