You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize