My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
