My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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