My girlfriend figured out who you are.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
