My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
