Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
