he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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