Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
