tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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