12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
