dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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