Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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