i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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