walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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