you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize