Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
