Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
