Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize