my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
