found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I party with great urgency now.
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