My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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