Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
