Can Purell be used as lube?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
