You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
