Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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