I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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