I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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