I'm so fucking centered right now
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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