I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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