Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
