I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
