screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize