If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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