I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize