are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
