i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
