i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
