Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
