You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
