No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize