I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
honey bunches of taint.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
