My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
