Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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