My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
