can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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