I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
