I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
