I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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