i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We're too hungover to prance.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
