so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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