I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
