I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
