im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize