so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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