We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
