College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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