I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
