i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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