Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
