Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
