I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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