every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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