she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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