i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
