i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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