the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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