So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
