You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
