I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
bring money and cleavage
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
