My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
