his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
