as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
