there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
