Your mouth is God's brothel.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You ruined the universe
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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