so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
