Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dicks are not precious.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
