i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
