Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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