I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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