Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
