Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
