I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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