i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
