I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he shaved USA in his pubs
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
