..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
