i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
