I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
