Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
