i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
