We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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