I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And then my night got REAL pukey
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
