when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I touched a dick in church today
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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