Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize