yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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