do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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