is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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