I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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