Got a toothbrush?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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