What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
