If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
