Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
