I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
