Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Everything about him screamed your future.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
