wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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