i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
