i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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