Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
