I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
